Relationships are a unique journey to embark on... You learn a lot about one another in them and, in reality, can learn even more about yourself individually. I had heard few times in my life that your relationships with others are a direct reflection of yourself. Now that,, of course,,, doesn't apply to everyone. Some people might be downright toxic,, and you have nothing to do with it but be on the other side of that toxicity.
However, the primary thing I want to get across to you is that a relationship can not succeed or flourish without communication. Heck, it can't sometimes end without communication too. That being said,, it's also important to realize that almost any relationship will challenge you. But it's vital to recognize which challenges are for healthy growth or the deterioration of your sanity. I can relate to both kinds of relationships. Now don't get me wrong,,, I'm not regretful nor should you be of a relationship that ultimately wasn't meant to last.
It teaches us many things... Such as the good, the bad, and the downright ugly...
Here is what my first real relationship taught me:
The Good:
- I was worthy of someone's love and attention
- How to share time with another individual
- How to be in a relationship period
The Bad:
- Superficially choosing your partner based on what society says is the right partner is not the way to go
- Someone who doesn't share the same lifestyle or life schedule isn't always going to work out
- You are not an object for someone to play with
The Ugly:
- If you don't talk about how you feel about things with your partner, you're playing with fire
- Gaslighting is the most aggressive and even passive-aggressive form of betrayal from your partner. I personally consider it a form of emotional abuse. (See gaslighting definition below)
- Never stay after extreme red flag behaviors have occured
- Bottling up emotions within a relationship or in general is fuel for an emotional explosion. Sometimes we can end up exploding on the wrong people like our friends and families not necessarily the individual who is on the other end of causing the emotions.
In case you haven't heard of or know what gaslighting means here is what it is according to the Journal of Humanistic Psychology:
Gaslighting is a conscious or unconscious form of psychological abuse that occurs when a perpetrator distorts information to confuse a victim, triggering the victim to doubt their memory and sanity.
Basically, it's super messed up. If you find yourself going through similar traits that gaslighting victims have gone through in your relationship, you need to do your best to take a step out of your relationship to get some clarity. Don't isolate yourself. It's important to speak with someone like a loved one or a professional about this to gain the support you need to leave the relationship.
Now the great thing about leaving a relationship that just isn't working is that you become aware of what you do and don't want in a future relationship...
Which leads me to my current relationship....
I've been happily in my current relationship for almost 2 years now. It's obviously had its ups and downs but it is one of the realest relationships I've ever had. At its very core is communication. We communicate very clearly. Yes of course in the beginning it was very difficult. It requires such a vulnerability and a high level of intimacy to share your fears and insecurities with someone you are getting to know and deeply care about what they think about you. However intimate communication is the fertilizer of a healthy relationship.
I'm a very emotional person and it has in the past not been in my favor in several different ways when I've not kept them in check. A very helpful piece of advice I can recommend to you that has helped me have a healthier relationship with myself and others is acknowledging the emotion in the moment I feel it and how it makes me feel. Then after that moment I move forward and not let the emotion completely over take me.
Healthy relationships require you to be in control of your emotions but to address them with yourself and your partner.
Here is what my current relationship has taught me:
Love:
- My self love floruished while in this relationship which if I am full of love for myself I will therefore be full of love to give to others
- Love always wins
- Love is shown in many ways that are not physicalities
Communication:
- Share your true feelings and in the moment
- Trust in your partner not in your insecurities
- It's important to give each other space
Recognition:
- Let each other know what you appreciate about each other
- Give gratitude to one another
- Make sure to highlight the positives and not only the negatives
Whatever your relationship journey is make sure it's a symbiotic one filled with love, happiness, and loyalty.
Positive Vibes,
Sara Maya
Check out my podcast on relationships with a guest speaker giving us the women's perspective on relationships here.
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